I Am Not a Macho Man: A Confession

Ok everybody I'm gonna open up here a bit. There's something you all should know about me. In the last few years a great change has come over me. One that many men are unwilling to talk about. The thing is, in the last few years I've become…a bit of a crybaby.

The reason I mention it here is that my tendency to cry like a little girl almost never manifests itself because of something that happens to me in my actual life. Instead the waterworks start as a result of books and movies. To be more specific my affliction largely manifests itself due to the suffering or emotional distress of fictional talking animals. Dogs. Cats. Talking pigs. Anthropomorphized fish. Put them in trouble and I'm a mess.  Every. Single. Time. I'm powerless.

Embarrassing examples to follow.

Babe? I literally started crying in the first 30 seconds of that movie and didn't stop.  Remember? They take Babe's mom away and there's this plaintive "Mama?" from Babe. It was all over. When the farmer dances for Babe to cheer him up? I could hardly breathe. I am getting a lump in my throat just thinking about it.

Finding Nemo? I saw this movie on one of my very first dates with Gertie. I held it together pretty well throughout the movie. I was noticeably manly. And then we got to the car afterwards. As soon as we were alone I was crying like a baby and blubbering about how Nemo's Mom got killed by those sharks and it just wasn't fair! She didn't do anything!

The Knife of Never Letting Go? I won't be spoilery on this one but if you've read the book you know the moment I'm talking about. I put the book down and cried until I had to go out and get some Gatorade to rehydrate myself.

We3? I read this Grant Morrison graphic novel just last night. It's about a dog, cat and bunny who are swiped by a nefarious military organization and turned into these armored killing machines.  The story is all about their escape and desperate desire to return home to safety all the while being hunted by the military. I knew this one was going to do it to me. I knew it.  Luckily Gretchen knew it too and was ready for me.

It's gotten to the point now where if I just see an animal on screen or in a book I can feel it coming. It's something about their innocence, their helplessnes. I can't stand to see that violated. Is it  because I grew up with animals and remember clearly seeing one of them die violently? Is it because I felt helpless at some point and am projecting now? Not sure.

Now I know this isn't just me. I have a friend who loses it if she sees any movie about a love that can't be a la The Notebook. So my question to you guys is what does it for you? Do you have a situation that always gets to you no matter what? Any thoughts as to why that particular situations does it? Do you avoid the topic or, like me, keep at it even though you know what it'll do to you?

Ok. I feel so much closer to you all now. Sniff. Sniff.